pain 4

pain 4

My eyes close and roll back

not from pleasure

but from pain.

I have seen amazing things

but now i sit in my kitchen

slowly rolling inches

back and forth

in my wheelchair

as if it were a rocker,

going nowhere;

staring at the wall,

still seeing things,

traveling in my mind,

and writing them down

as if they had any value,

as if I had any value,

wishing i were dead -

could i please die now?

Is that too much to ask?

i have on fairly clean underwear

what more do i need?

Where is the relief?

it dances around me

throwing microbes my way

that hurt me

and taunt me

but they leave me here

wondering of their dedication,

senses of humor,

and work ethics.

I saw a suicide on TV,

she was hanging

peacefully

still.

She was so still

it is hard to believe it was more

relative pain

leaving

than staying.

A tipped chair on the floor

its life spilled

no longer needed

"wheels for sale"

© 2007  Deborah Bolle