I'm Kind of Expecting
I'm kind of expecting a visit tonight from Rudy the rat.
I have struck up an acquaintance with Rudy:
He is shy and unobtrusive, and has never
behaved in a heavy handed manner.
I, on the other hand, have considered
dastardly ways to make him uncomfortable
like stamping my foot on the floor.
I did that.
Tossing empty soda cans in his general direction
in an effort to scare the
ever livin' daylights out of him.
Didn't do that.
Tried to squirt him with
a water gun.
Didn't do that.
But maybe I am the rat.
I think somehow the daylights have
already been scared out of him.
He only comes to visit at night,
He never announces himself,
nor offers a greeting;
probably my own fault
for scaring him.
Sitting in the silence
of my quiet laptop
I hear a tiny "chic chic"
from under the stove.
Rudy is munching down
on a piece of the dog's kibble.
Then "chic chic" again.
He timidly goes to the dog's
water bowl
and peers over the edge.
Not very full tonight...
to get a drink he would have to take a bath.
But he already took a bath when he awoke
while singing a little song:
"Lick lick lick, lick lick lick,
get between the toes
then I'll have happy feet
every where i goes."
It is an old rat folk tune
from the mountains.
I don't think he sees very well.
He walks right in
even though I am sitting right here.
I believe he thinks I am some
sort of unpredictable noisy
foot stamping refrigerator.
He doesn't seem to care about
TV, but once when
Steve Buscemi was on
he paused and watched,
and he showed interest
in a James Cagney movie.
One night he and his friends
got so wired
they ascended all the way to the top of the frige
and broke into a box of donuts
I had been saving.
They might have thought
the donuts were some sort of
splendid prize for their achievement,
as when Sir Edmund Hillary
reached the top of Everest
and found Snowballs.
So now i keep my donuts
in a secure cabinet over here where I sit
and I save them for his appearances.
Then I open them
and eat one right in front of him.
I know that is mean
but late at night
I get cranky.
Maybe I am the rat,
There is a piece of water
chestnut on the floor
right were he comes out
under the cabinet.
It is a remnant of a very hot
meal of Thai food.
I would pick it up, but i can't
see it when i am over there
and I am too lazy to make
a special trip.
Besides i like to imagine the look
in his face
when he took his first
tentative bite
and went "whuu huu
golly that's HOT!"
That is translated into English.
In rat it sounds like
"eep! eep!
Eep eep squeak squeak hot!!"
I like imaging him bringing
friends over and saying
"Oh by all means you
take the first bite."
They do,
and then all the other rats cry,
"Eep eep eep,
Rudy is rude Rudy is rude."
Have you ever heard a rat snicker?
I guess I am the rat for leaving it there.
Ah ha - he just showed up
kind of plopped down in the kick space
under the cabinet.
It is a dark corner
so i shine my flashlight on him.
He freezes standing up
reaching for the exit,
looking like a diorama at the
natural history museum,
or a display in a wax museum.
("The black plague was spread...")
Then he suddednly bolts
back up in the hole in the wall
between the cabinets
but leaves his tail
pointing straight down at the floor.
He keeps telling me he wants
to change his name to
Rodney.
But I tell him I like Rudy better
and so does his mother.
Oops, he's back
in his full dress leathers,
swatting his own ass
with a little tiny riding crop
saying,
(in his best James Cagney voice)
"take that you dirty rat,
take that!"
Oops. now he is gone again.
I wasn't expecting that!
;© 2007 Deborah Bolle
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